11:11 Washington Square

It’s 11:11 and I’ve wished for you. My step is heavy as the world falls below.

I question this path as I lose my breathe, but it’s too late.

The beeping from my watch wakes me. It’s 9:12, I’m already behind.

I swing my legs over the bed and slip my feet into my boats.

It’s 9:16 and with my pack on my back I’m out the door.

It’s 9:48 and I’m a couple blocks away, as I cross my first zombie of the day. Normally I’d drop it, but today I don’t care. I just step around as it follows my trail as I head towards that rock in the square. I’m use to seeing more, this neighborhood must have made it farther past the day our world went away.

It’s 10:01 as I make the last turn. I see a gate awaits around the park, filled with tents and walking corps.

10:21 and I’m over the fence. Zombies are all around, too many to fight. If I was to try, there is no way I’d survive.

So I run. I run fast, by the zombies I run past. Towards the rock with one tree that casts its shade over the plateau.

The climb is easy, almost a hike. Truly a beginners free climb delight. Its 10:33 and I’ve reached the face without a case and start the 30 foot climb the route well traced.

It’s 10:42 and I’ve reached the top. It’s just as I remember from when I was young. It’s like the worlds the same, other than the moaning of pain from the ground below. But I’m out of their reach, my flesh shall never meet their teeth.

It’s 10:49 and the blanket on the ground is covered in the most pathetic picnic. But these canned foods and picture in my hand is as close as I’ll get back to our first date.

It’s 11:06 and my post-apocalyptic lunch is done. I pull a rope from my bag and sling it in tree.

11:10 It’s a glorious day for a hanging as I stand and watch over the square.

It’s 11:11 and I’ve wished for you. If I stop the clock, does the wish come true? I unstrap my watch and sit it on a picture of you.

My step is heavy as the world falls below me. I question this path as I lose my breathe, but it’s too late as the rope tightens around my neck.

These were my thoughts on my last day. And the last thing thing to cross my brain? Your name.

—————

I’d be lying if I said I was fine. No, I’m not suicidal – so don’t worry, it just a short story. But I’m getting better and I believe after today I should be fine.

Yes, the pain is there and though it will fade, it will never completely go away. And that’s just life. I’ll remember the pain and I’ll use it to grow. My favorite author said to remember my scars and to use it in my art.

I’ve always wanted to be a hero. That’s why I’ve always romanticized living in a post apocalyptic world so much. I know I’d do well and would be able to help others. And I’ve realized up here in the Black Hills of South Dakota that that is why my relationships all end in my being cheated on and the one hurt.

I’ve dated four girls, and each had their own demons – as does everyone of us. But I’ve always tried to help them, but the problem is that they don’t love them self enough for it to matter. When a girl finds their worth in you, that means they find their worth in what a guy thinks. And that’s a dangerous place to be because if you’re not there for a little bit (travel, work, etc) then they still find their worth in a guy – but texting, calling and even FaceTime isn’t enough and they end up thinking a moment with someone there right then would be better off.

And this leads to you being hurt because you tried to take on the pain of her world but then she turns around and hurts you and you’re stuck with all the pain and all the hurt wondering if you’re the only one who’s heart really works.

I’ve loved twice. The next person I need to love is myself. I’ve never loved myself and have just been blessed that I’ve put my worth in God instead of what girls think, because they is a life that I don’t want to lead. After I can love myself, know who I am, and be happy with me – then I need to find a girl who loves herself. Someone I don’t have to save because she has her worth placed in other places. And maybe then, there will be no more pain to gain.

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